That's intense
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
