I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
