If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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