My hand turned me down
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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