I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
