This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
