Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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