The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
