The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
