I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
