thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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