I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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