I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
