Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
