dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
