What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
