guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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