Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
