we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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