she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
