The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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