They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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