I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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