no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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