Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
