I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
