Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
