Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
