me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
