Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
