I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
