I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
