last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
