is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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