NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
