i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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