I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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