he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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