hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
