Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
