I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
