So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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