and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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