It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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