maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
