This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
