Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
