just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
