He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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