when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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