worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
