I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
