I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
